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Virus warning
On Fri, 24 Oct 97 3:20:02 EDT, in rec.humor.funny [email protected]
(Scott Johnson) wrote:
>
>VIRUS WARNING!!! VIRUS WARNING!!! VIRUS WARNING!!! VIRUS WARNING!!!
>
>Dear Internet user,
>
>It seems that the destructive minds who like to invent computer viruses have
>struck again. A new virus, popularly known as INTERNET EXPLORER 4.0, has
>been propogating the Net for several weeks now. MILLIONS of computers have
>been infected by this insidious virus (mostly PCs, and a few Macintoshes as
>well.) This virus is one of the MOST DANGEROUS yet unleashed on the computing
>public!
>
>INTERNET EXPLORER 4.0 is known to have the following horrible effects on
>infected computers:
>
> * It WASTES an incredible amount of HARD DISK SPACE, space which could
> otherwise be used for productive applications
>
> * It causes the infected computer's performance to be DRASTICALLY
> REDUCED--Pentium machines which are stricken are known to slow down
> to the speed of a 486
>
> * It surreptitiously MODIFIES the underlying operating system, causing
> the CORE FUNCTIONALITY of the instrument to change RADICALLY
>
> * It, through the use of Trojan-like ALTERATIONS to the core Java
> APIs, may cause Java applets to MALFUNCTION. These effects are so
> SEVERE that the designers of Java, Sun Microsystems, are taking LEGAL
> ACTION against the inventors of this terrible virus
>
> * It, once installed, is VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE for the average user to
> remove from the system
>
> * It is known to create SECURITY HOLES, which can allow unknown users
> to DELETE or DESTROY files on your hard drive
>
> * It is known to cause many popular and reliable Internet browsers,
> such as NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR and NETSCAPE COMMUNICATOR, to not function
> correctly
>
> * It is even known to infect NEWLY PURCHASED computers coming from
> repuatable manufacturers like COMPAQ and DELL. These companies have
> so far been POWERLESS to prevent this virus from being installed on
> the computers they sell.
>
> * It is known to be UNDETECTABLE by most virus-checking software
> packages
>
>
>The good news is that the JUSTICE DEPARTMENT is currently investigating the
>rogue hackers who CONCOCTED this destructive virus. They have been traced to
>a Seattle suburb, and may face fines of ONE MILLION DOLLARS PER DAY for the
>pernicious manner in which this virus is being distributed. The bad news is
>that millions of computers have ALREADY BEEN INFECTED. The inventors of this
>virus even have the gall to gleefully BOAST about this terrible fact on their
>web site!
>
>Here's what YOU can do:
>
>1) If you see a website with the "Internet Explorer" logo, do **NOT**
> click on the logo. This can cause this virus to be DOWNLOADED and
> INSTALLED on your system!
>
>2) If your computer is ALREADY INFECTED, and it's a Windows-based PC,
> call the technical support hotline at Microsoft (the company which
> wrote Windows), and ask them for instructions on how to DISABLE and
> REMOVE this virus. They should have instructions to do so.
>
>I apologize for the URGENT TONE of this message, but only if we WORK TOGETHER
>can the spread of the dreaded INTERNET EXPLORER 4.0 virus be slowed or
>stopped.
>
>--
>Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to [email protected].
>If you see a problem with an RHF posting, reply to the poster please,
>not to us. Ask the poster to forward comments back to us if this is necessary.
>For the full RHF guidelines, see http://comedy.clari.net/rhf/
--
Gregory S. Sutter "How do I read this file?"
mailto:[email protected] "You uudecode it."
http://www.pobox.com/~gsutter/ "I I I decode it?"
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