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----- Forwarded message from Ulf Zimmermann <[email protected]> -----
From: Ulf Zimmermann <[email protected]>
Subject: Abbot & Costello do UNIX (fwd)
To: [email protected]
Date: Tue, 3 Mar 1998 13:39:37 -0800 (PST)
----- Forwarded message from D. Paul Klein -----
>From [email protected] Tue Mar 3 11:34:35 1998
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, 3 Mar 1998 10:30:47 -0800 (PST)
From: "D. Paul Klein" <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: Abbot & Costello do UNIX
To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Hi, guys.
For all you UNIX fans:
> A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
> Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
> program ?
> UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.
> Customer: No, what is it ?
> UNIX consul: Yes.
>
> Customer: So, which is the one ?
> UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
> Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
> UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r you'. You can also 'finger you'
> to get information about you'.
> Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
> UNIX consul: Use 'what'.
> Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?
> UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.
> Customer: Which one ?
> UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
> Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
> UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
> program' to get the revision code.
> Customer: I want to find the revision code.
> UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
> Customer: Which command will do what I need?
> UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
> Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
> UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
> system.
> Customer: Write what?
> UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
> Customer: Cut that out!
> UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
> options.
> Customer: Do you always do this?
> UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.
>
> Customer: HELP!
> UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
> Customer: You make me angry.
> UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
> when I was upset once.
> Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
> UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
> has 'more'.
> Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
> UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is
> better not to 'nice help' and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is.
> Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
> Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
> UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to
> the Pascal compiler team.
===
He who knows, does not speak.
He who speaks, does not know.
Lao Tsu: Tao Te Ching
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----- End of forwarded message from D. Paul Klein -----
Ulf.
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