[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
(fwd) [alt.journalism.gonzo] Queen Mother in Cyborg Shock
-- forwarded message --
Path: news3.cac.psu.edu!news.cse.psu.edu!uwm.edu!www.nntp.primenet.com!globalcenter0!news.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!innfeed.telstra.net!news.telstra.net!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!towncrier.cc.monash.edu.au!mdw086.cc.monash.edu.au!nate
From: John Vogel <[email protected]>
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet
Subject: [alt.journalism.gonzo] Queen Mother in Cyborg Shock
Followup-To: alt.humor.best-of-usenet.d
Date: 30 Jan 1998 06:53:21 GMT
Organization: best of usenet humor
Lines: 38
Approved: [email protected]
Message-ID: <ahbou=Pine.SOL.3.96.980126103157.20576A-100000@taurus.cus.cam.ac.uk>
NNTP-Posting-Host: mdw086.cc.monash.edu.au
X-NNTP-Posting-User: nate
X-Disclaimer: The "Approved" header verifies header information for article transmission and does not imply approval of content. See .sig below.
X-Submissions-To: [email protected]
X-Posting-Moderator: Nathan Bailey
X-FAQ-Is-At: ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/faqs/best-of-usenet-humor
X-For-FAQ-Mailto: [email protected]
Originator: [email protected]
Subject: Queen Mother in Cyborg Shock
From: Olly Johnson <[email protected]>
Newsgroups: alt.journalism.gonzo, alt.obituaries, uk.current-events.general
(Reuters, London)
In an unprecedented statement today, the Royal Family has admitted for the
first time that its longest serving member is in fact a scary robot.
The Queen Mother's hip replacement operation this morning now means that her
entire skeleton has been replaced by metal, covered with a thin layer of
still-living flesh, cultured in large tanks from the buttocks of willing
unemployed donors in Sunderland. The cyborg requires little in the way of
maintenance, and is fuelled entirely by 'fuel of the future' ethanol, in the
ratio of three parts gin to one part tonic water.
"We got the idea when Edward got 'Terminator' out of Blockbuster," admitted
the Queen, 73. "We realised that since my mother is the only thing saving
the country from a bloody Republican uprising, we ought to make sure she
lived for ever. So long as she doesn't run into Linda Hamilton, or get
caught in an exploding liquid nitrogen tanker, we'll stay ahead in the polls."
The Queen went on to admit that previous attempts to produce immortal robots
had ended in disaster. "Our scientists had assembled Princess Diana out of
the same materials, but somehow forgot to put the brain in. There was
clearly something wrong with the construction as well, since she couldn't
survive an impact with a wall. I mean, Arnie survived much worse than that,
even when he was shooting up that police station."
Reports that Prime Minister Tony Blair was a soldier of the future,
constructed entirely from liquid metal, sent back in time to 'terminate'
the Queen Mother cannot be confirmed.
--
Moderators accept or reject articles based solely on the criteria posted
in the Frequently Asked Questions. Article content is the responsibility
of the submitter. Submit articles to [email protected]. To write
to the moderators, send mail to [email protected].
-- end of forwarded message --
--
Gregory S. Sutter "How do I read this file?"
mailto:[email protected] "You uudecode it."
http://www.pobox.com/~gsutter/ "I I I decode it?"
===
This message was sent to mph-humor. No guarantees of actual humor are
provided. Archives and instructions for subscribing or unsubscribing
are available from http://mph124.rh.psu.edu/~mph/humor .