(fwd) 2001 Rereleased!

[gsutter@pobox.com (Gregory Sutter)]

This sums up my feelings on the rerelease of Star Wars.

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On Fri, 21 Feb 97 12:20:03 EST, in rec.humor.funny steve@nstl.com
(Stephen Platt) wrote:


(MGM Studios, England)  In response to the success of George 
Lucas' updated "Star Wars", Stanley Kubrick announced today the 
planned re-release of "2001: A Space Odyssey".  The enhanced 
version of the film will be released early in 1998, celebrating 
its 30th anniversary.

Kubrick explained, "Much of what we tried to accomplish in 1968 as 
limited by then-current technology.  We feel this greatly impinged 
on the structure and style of the film, grossly affecting our 
ability to tell a modern story."

Many of the changes and additions are fairly minor; only a true 
devotee would be expected to notice.  For example, the "Pan Am" 
space clipper will have its logo changed to "Discount Spaceways."  
Other logos will be inserted, as deemed appropriate by the 
sponsors of the updating:  "Coke" and "Nikon" will appear on food 
and photographic products, while the HAL 9000 computer will sport 
"Intel Inside" and "Microsoft Windows NT 8.5" appliques.

Other sequences are expected to present visual and auditory 
changes more apparent to those who may only have seen the film a 
small number of times.   
  *  Computer displays will be rendered with true 3D modeling.  As 
an inside joke in one scene, graphics engineers will be inserting 
images from "Quake 2000."
  *  The "Star Voyage" sequence designed by Trumball and Veevers 
will be replaced by an entirely computer-generated sequence.
  *  New scenes will be inserted.  One known scene involves the 
"hominid murder;" a new computer-assisted sequence showing a 
battle between thousands of hominids will be added following this
scene.
  *  All of the music will be replaced by a soundtrack performed 
by U2.  The soundtrack will be broadcast in digitized, Dolby-
enhanced surround sound.  Kubrick explained, "No one liked the 
music in the original, anyway."
  *  The monolith, which most viewers found "boring" will be 
redesigned to look like a large human-shaped robot with blinking 
lights.
   *  Frank Poole's sex will be changed, adding new interest.  
Also, Francine Poole will not die; She and Dave will be saved by 
MONOLITHMAN and will live happily every after.  Kubrick explains 
again, "No one understood the ending; we feel that our rewrite 
will be much more accessible to the typical intelligent 
moviegoer."

Kubrick summarized the release, codenamed "3" (short for "2001-
1998") as an "Experience for the younger generation, born well 
after the original.  The original film was dated and did not meet 
the needs of new viewers.  The new release will be competitive 
with today's movies and should provide a fulfilling, enjoyable 
experience to all."

A spring, 1998 release is anticipated.


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