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mph-humor Digest V97 #17


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mph-humor Digest				Volume 97 : Issue 17

Today's Topics:
	 [alt.sysadmin.recovery] The Beast That Would Not Die Is Uninstalled
	 Re: MicroSoft buys WebTV for $425 million. Is Bill Gates 
 insane?
	 The Scientific Method
	 [rec.games.roguelike.angband] Re: which armor should I use
	 Apache=IIS?
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From: ten.tcennoc-ten.liam@[email protected]
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Subject: The Beast That Would Not Die Is Uninstalled
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 10:25:23 GMT
Organization: JNK Enterprises
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]



Available for immediate pickup: Industrial strength fan forced 
convection heater with computer-like features.

Make: Sequent
Model: Symmetry 81  (Symmetry 27 main & expansion boxes also 
available)
Dimensions: 6' wide x 5.5' tall x 4.5' deep
Supply: 220VAC (for room shaking effects)
Power Rating:  Huge


Warning: (On the cabinet doors):  "Pulling
hard-drive drawer out all of the way may cause the
machine to topple forward."


Predictions have been made for years that even household appliances
would one day run Unix.  Be the envy of your neighborhood with a room 
heater that runs Unix!


Features:

- Hurricane force hot dry winds (Can you say Santa Anna Wind?)

- Generates mind-soothing white noise.  Lots of it.
  (The stereo in the computer room sounds much better now.
  But I had no idea the tape drives were so LOUD.)
  (Now, *after* it's gone, we get a phone in the computer
  room with extra amplification.)

- Keeps an entire computer room warm through
  a freezing winter, even if you run the A/C.
  (Good thing we're getting rid of it.  The A/C can't
  keep up with it now.  Summer in Southwestern
  LA would have been too much.)

- Filters the air!

- Fans. Fans! FANS!

- Large enough to seat a family of four.
  (I have pictures.) (The replacement could fit in a briefcase.)

- Mature technology.

- Weighs over 3/4 ton.

    - Keep those pesky floor panels in their place.

    - Theft proof! (Despite our most earnest entreaties...
      and offers to help.) (It took four people six
      solid hours to disassemble the Beast & cart it
      out of the computer room.  Luckily our Win95
      guy is young & stup^H^H^H^H strong enough
      to lift the 120 lb. dual-harddrive drawers.)

    - Counteracts the lifting force of the cooling fans
      (o/w the Beast might achieve flight.) 

    - Random saboteurs^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H service
      technicians do NOT move it around at random.


Computer-like features:

    - Twelve sizzling 20MHZ 80386SX processors (Intel Inside!)

    - Over 6 Gigabytes of working storage (weighing over
      0.5 ton)

    - 184 MB of working RAM in 6 proprietary 16" x 18" boards.  Each
       board has over 100 memory chips on it for maximum heat 
       generation.  None of those namby-pamby compatible SIMMS with 
       just 9 points of failure.

    - Dynix 3.1 O/S

    - Almost-compatible SCSI card.

    - Pretty compatible Ethernet card

    - You're really reading all of this?

    - 32 terminal ports.

    - Terrifies the clergy.

    - Damn fine multi-processor O/S.


- Conversation piece.  How DO you make a hard
  disk drive weigh 60 lbs?

- Other possibilities:

    - Put a drive-train between the fans &
      the wheels - instant tank!



Downside:

Hmmmm.... Can't think of any....  Nope, not a one.

So come on folks!  Bring your 3/4 ton truck & pick it up.
(We won't send it to you unless you pre-pay shipping.)

(Come on guys!  The scrap metal value *alone* has to be
worth the shipping costs!)


P.S. Don't get your hopes up too much.  A university in the South West

(West of the Rio Grande) USA has expressed an interest.  They claim to

have *another* of these  beasts.  (Say...you don't suppose they're 
going to *breed* them?)

P.P.S My "From:" e-mail address has been munged.   

Joe Bednorz
=========================================================
kill -9 them all.  Let init sort them out.

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In article <[email protected]>
[email protected] (DrifterUSA) writes:

> >>On 07 Apr 1997 01:20:39 Binary Compatible wrote about "MicroSoft buys
> WebTV for $425 million. Is Bill Gates insane?"<<
> 
> Apple spent $425 million on NeXT, so of course BG had to come up with a
> lame copy of their idea.  (Hopefully MS will follow Apple's lead and start
> losing market share...)



--
Eric Bennett ( [email protected] ; http://www.pobox.com/~ericb )

Sixty-seven percent of the doctors surveyed preferred X to Y.  (Jones
couldn't be persauded.)
-John Allen Paulos
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According to the Science Made Stupid web page (based on the book of the
same name), there are two kinds of reasoning in science: inductive and
deductive.  In detail:

INDUCTIVE:
               formulate hypothesis
               apply for grant
               perform experiments or gather data to test hypothesis
               alter data to fit hypothesis
               publish
INDUCTIVE:
               formulate hypothesis
               apply for grant
               perform experiments or gather data to test hypothesis
               alter data to fit hypothesis
               publish

There are sections on The Universe and many other aspects of science.  From
the astro section you can learn:

"What Holds the Moon Up?
The moon can't fall down because it is in orbit. An orbit is the
interaction of a combination of forces - such as gravity, inertia,
centrifugal force and others - that result in a perfect balance.
Nevertheless, it is a good idea to stay indoors as much as possible."

"Eclipses
An eclipse of the moon occurs when the sun passes between the Earth and the
moon.  An eclipse of the sun occurs when the shadow of the Earth falls on
the sun. An eclipse of the Earth occurs when you put your hands over your
eyes."

See http://www.neosoft.com/~kmac/sms/sms.htm to learn a lot.



--
Eric Bennett ( [email protected] ; http://www.pobox.com/~ericb )

Apple says, 'Hey, Win 3.1 is crummy and it always was crummy.' And we say,
'No, it just
turned crummy. It was really great till Thursday [when Win95 was released].'
-Bill Gates
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------- Start of forwarded message -------
From: [email protected] (Andrew McCormick)
Newsgroups: rec.games.roguelike.angband
Subject: Re: which armor should I use
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 21:34:23 -0400
Organization: Oberlin College
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
References: <[email protected]> <[email protected]>

>wear the elvenkind.  read a scroll of *indentify* at it to find out
>the extra resist.
                                                
                                          A scroll of *indentify*
                                          does this to all your  
                                          postings, right?  Never
                                          found one of those in  
                                          all the games of Angband
                                          I ever played.  =)

-- 
Andrew McCormick
[email protected]
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In article <[email protected]>
[email protected] (Konstantinos Agouros) writes:

> I am not sure, that this really is a IIS. I talked to an eye-whitness (I know
> nothing about his reliability) who saw the servers for the German MSN. 
> If you connect to this servers they claim to be IIS's. Reality is, there is
> a tower of Sparc-Ultras, which run an apache that is patched to say it's an
> IIS. Maybe the same is true for microsoft.com.



--
Eric Bennett ( [email protected] ; http://www.pobox.com/~ericb )

Sixty-seven percent of the doctors surveyed preferred X to Y.  (Jones
couldn't be persauded.)
-John Allen Paulos
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