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(fwd) [alt.gothic] Re: That "It's too early to have a mid-life crisis!" thing.

Truth!

On 22 Nov 1996 09:45:34 GMT, in alt.humor.best-of-usenet David Gerard
<[email protected]> wrote:

Subject: Re: That "It's too early to have a mid-life crisis!" thing.
From: [email protected] (exile)
Newsgroups: alt.gothic

[email protected] (Ben Colborn) hathe written,
} [email protected] wrote:

} : If this were a perfect world, God would have put pizzas on trees
instead
} : of apples.
} : Next time, we'll get it right.
}
} Maybe that's what it was like in the Garden of Eden. Eve slept with
Adam, and
} then offered the forbidden fruit of the Pizza Tree. What guy could
refuse
} pizza after sex? Thus from the world's beginning, man has striven
after two
} things: sex and pizza, preferably in that order. The misery which
stems from
} this longing is a function of our fallenness in the sight of God.

 Few folk know that what Jesus was actually passing around, that day he
was
 hanging out on the mountian, was individual sized anchovy pizza's.

 Somehow it just translates to "loaves and fishes" in that Bible thing.

 It's assumed, by most serious biblical scholars, that Christ, rather
than
 actually "multiplying" food, knew the location of a pizza grove that
had
 survived the flood and that he merely had a small, elite group of
delivery
 boys running back and forth, bring him food for the masses.

 As a result... when one tips the pizza guy heavily... it's seen as a
sort
 of tribute in the eyes of god and credited to your afterlife account in
 much the same way as a direct deposit at your church.

 You tip the pizza guy... you can skip services on Sunday morning.

 Have sex instead...

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